Dear Mom:
I wanted to catch you up on a few
things since it has been awhile since we talked. I was on my way to visit you in July when I
got a call from hospice that you were unresponsive, and that I needed to get
there as soon as possible. I called the
boys while driving and became uncontrollably teary, and was thankful when I
arrived at the facility. I was able to
compose myself, and was hoping that Jeff would get there shortly. I asked John
to call the church and ask for someone to come as soon as possible. They came
within thirty minutes.
I didn’t say much when you were
having trouble breathing because I was afraid I would start crying. I remained silent instead of encouraging you,
but never let go of your hand and stroked your hair so you would feel my
presence. Jeff was very strong and
loving when he bent over you to tell you he was there and everything was
ok. It was less than thirty minutes
after he arrived that you took your last breath.
The grief counselor said I must
tell you some things in order to heal. You
knew everything about me including my strengths and weaknesses, and could sense
anything left unsaid because of your great intuitive nature.
You knew how much I cared for
you. I always held your hand and gently
brushed your hair back. You would often
tell someone that I was a “good kid”.
You did that often and I liked hearing it. I was shocked when you asked me who was going
to take care of me. I never thought you
were going to die even with the presence of hospice because I thought you were
much too strong. Jeff and Carla met me at your house on a weekend that was the beginning
of the end. It was a precious time to
have them there for support and encouragement.
I wanted to tell you about your
beautiful funeral that the boys and Carla helped organize. You must have been surprised that James and
his girlfriend Jessica were there, and James sang two songs and played the
piano. John gave a nice talk about you
and read the sweet obituary that was written by Jeff. Carla, Jeff and John presented scriptures
that you would have enjoyed, and were appropriate for the occasion. Jeff and James accompanied the singer, and it
was lovely.
Dressing you was mentally difficult. We were not at your house or city so I went
shopping and found the most beautiful blue dress. The dress was in the “mother of the bride”
category, and you would have loved the sparkly fabric and your favorite color
blue. Your casket was also a deep blue that
John located. He was amazing and never
left my side during the planning. He has
always been faithful to you and Gramps. He made numerous trips to see you “one
last time”.
I always thought it was a bit morbid to say
the deceased person looked good.
However, you looked beautiful with pink lips and styled hair adding just
the right touch. Your jeweled butterfly pin
was placed on the right side of your dress.
The gorgeous accessories included the silver cuff and earrings that I
had worn at Jeff and Carla’s wedding. Did
I ever think I would take pictures of someone that had died? I took pictures
and was so happy to have documentation of the occasion. It numbs some of the
rough times you had with the two hospital stays and the facility that you
wanted to leave.
The hospice nurse removed your
ring while Jeff and I debated about leaving it on. I wear your rings all the time. I told you they didn’t interest me, but I
never leave home without them because it makes me feel like a “superhero” with
special powers. You would be so excited to know that Jeff and Carla are having
a baby girl. You always loved girls and
maybe I can hand down one of your rings so she will know a little bit about
you. I will let her know what a
powerful, energetic, and religious woman you were. You will be an excellent role model to this
baby even though you are not on earth.
The flowers at the funeral were
beautiful. Jeff and James accompanied a
second singer and James played background piano music during the service. We used the pastor from Oak Forest since he
knew you well. We used the cemetery
chapel for the service and buried you in the plot by Dad. We had a dinner at
your weekly restaurant, Tony’s. The
candy from the restaurant that you routinely stuffed into your pockets has shown
up all over house and car. I want to
hang on to every piece of candy and even keep one in my pocket to pretend you
are with me.
We found a wonderful florist in
Houston and they specialize in pastel flowers.
Your casket was covered with magnificent flowers in pale pinks and
white. We also bought a beautiful spray
that had darker versions of the flowers on the casket. I have never seen flowers this
beautiful. You received a generous
number of sprays. One was from a woman
that was in your Sunday school class when she was a child. I thought that was really sweet.
Overall, I think you would be
amazed how your grandchildren organized, sang and spoke at the funeral. I would never have dreamed that it would be
so beautiful. At the gravesite I took a
white and pale pink flower and handed the two flowers to each woman that was
there. It was a nice touch as they later
laid them on the table at Tony’s. I
waited until the coffin was covered up with dirt and the flowers placed at the
gravesite. I was not about to leave you
as if the job was not completed.
Although this act seemed to be uncomfortable for some, I let the dirt
blow over me in the humid one hundred degree heat as I made sure the task was
completed.
Pallbearers included the boys
(grandchildren) along with your neighbors Ray, Mark, and Don. They were wonderful taking us to breakfast
and offering referrals and support. Your
neighbor Pat was the best helper in completing tasks. Not only is she very funny, but very
efficient. Her call from the Dollar
Store was very sweet when she said she was buying candy for children in the
neighborhood. However, it was followed
by “I hate kids”. The humor and southern
accent reminds me of a reality show.
The things I miss about you being
gone is your physical body and ability to talk to you every day. I could always fill you in on
everything. Since I called you every day
without fail I recently called your house and let the phone ring over and
over. I now have that number forwarded
to me.
I was unemotional when you told
me you thought your death was coming soon.
I could never have known how much I would miss you. You were my supporter, encourager, and loved
me. I thought I knew what grief was when
Dad died. Evidently, I was clueless
because I have suffered so much and cried uncontrollably at the most
inopportune times. I finally went to see a grief counselor which was productive. When she said I would need to come back for
many more sessions I thought of what Dad said when the chaplain came to visit;
“How much is this going to cost me?” We
would have all laughed.
Hope you have peace and
serenity. You lived a very long and
fruitful life. I always found it amazing
that you seemed to make an impact on people everywhere. God is good and you were faithful to the
end.
Love from your daughter through
eternity.
P.S. Thanks for calling me the
night that I wrote this letter. I could
not believe it was your voice, and that you called me while I was driving in
the car. It was hard to believe you were
calling me just as I used to call you.
After you hung up I woke from the dream.
I went back to sleep and then I saw Dad. I was so surprised. He was watching a small TV and I told him he
could afford something nicer. He never
said anything but I saw his face just as I remembered. Thanks for both of you visiting me. It was comforting. Love you both very much. There is no doubt that I will see you again.
